Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Could someone please answer that?

Since last weekend I have had some bizarre buzzing in my left ear. It sounds and feels like someone took a tiny cell phone, put it on vibrate, and stuck it in there.

I, for one, consider it very rude to place a phone where the person can't reach it... and then call them over and over all day long. Now, if you have something you would like to say to me, just call me on a normal sized phone!

This is becoming a real problem. I can't focus on my editing or writing, I can't sleep... it's no good. I think I might need to go to the doctor.

How do you think they will respond if I ask them to remove the tiny, vibrating mobile from my ear canal? :P

Friday, January 23, 2009

My Jet Engine Is Broken!

I have horrible luck when it comes to appliances. My last washing machine had a broken agitator. I had to go in, add soap and stir it with a broomstick for 15 minutes each cycle. I did this every time I did a load of laundry for 2 months. I must say though... I had amazingly buff arms by the time I replaced it. :D

Currently there is a machine downstairs that I was told is a washing machine. I don't believe them. As far as I can tell, it is a jet engine that also manages to toss water, soap and clothes around all the while leaking like a sieve. It is ridiculously loud... exactly like standing next to an airplane engine revving for take off. My four-year-old is convinced that when we go upstairs the washer flies around the basement of it's own volition and he refuses to go downstairs alone in case it comes after him.

The other day it started a brand new noise. There was a clanking along with the very loud whirring--by the time I went downstairs to check on it, it had flown it's last flight. Apparently I know what I will spend my winnings from Vegas on--a new washing machine. This time I plan to spend it on a regular engine... no more airplanes in the house thank you very much.

After reading the machine it's last rites, I came upstairs I went to make lunch. There was a pop and all of a sudden three of my four burners stopped working on my stove. That's right, I now have one working burner and it is a smaller one!

I don't know how my house became the place where appliances go to die, but I don't like it.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

I'm baaaaa-aaaacck!

As predicted, my weekend did not disappoint. So many adventurous things happened. Most of the time I was just an innocent bystander, laughing my boots off. Let me lay out a few of the highlights.

Hmm... where to start. It was SO warm, but most of us forgot what warm weather meant after suffering from below freezing temperatures for so long--so we walked around in long pants and shirts with long sleeves and contemplated shopping for summer clothes in the middle of winter.

Some of our group went to see LOVE, the Beatles Tribute by Cirque du Soleil. It was really good and the music was cool, but it must have been conceived in the same way that much of the Beatles music was... in the company of a wide assortment of hallucinogenics. When a little old woman walks around the stage with a train of junk... you start to wonder.

There was a delicious meal in a small deli that was plastered with pictures and banners and signs from Cleveland. Not even exaggerating, it looked like the Browns, Cavaliers and Indians used it as their own personal fan club. It felt like we'd just jumped halfway across the country.

I am fairly certain that I saw Charlie Sheen walking around followed by a man with flashing ears. Yes, you read correctly... there was a man with large earrings that flashed neon. He fit in perfectly with the signs on the strip. We also saw someone named Dr. 90210. I am not familiar with him, but others in our group were very excited to see him.

There was a party hosted by Snoop Dogg that some friends had purchased a table at. It was part of Planet Hollywood's one year anniversary party. Which I don't understand because I would swear it has been there for more than a year... but who am I to question Snoop?

There was a shuttle ride back to our hotel in which my incredibly crazy sister kept requesting the driver if he could drop us off at Del Taco on the way. When he ignored her, she decided to try in Spanish. Hearing her yell out, "Quiero ir a Del Taco, por favor!" had the entire bus cracking up. By the end he actually offered to drop us off there, but I suspect it was more because he wanted us off his bus than because he wanted to give her what she wanted.

There is the story from the picture. Yes, this is exactly what it looks like. My sister getting proposed to in a casino in Las Vegas. Did she say yes? She must have--it is the only explanation for their behavior as they proceeded from club to club throughout the casino and kept announcing they just got married so they could have their first dance. Did she know this man before that day? No. Were they actually married... if so, it was the shortest marriage ever, only 3 hours. Did they sing every Disney song known to man as they made their rounds? Absolutely. During one particularly moving rendition of "A Whole New World", they serenaded a shy looking Oriental woman. A horrified look crossed her face before she bolted like she was being chased by wild dogs. Literally pushing people out of her way on the escalator and throwing terrified glances over her shoulder as she ran. After that, the singing was a little more subdued.

One last one (a personal favorite, I might add)... as I waited for my ride to the airport I threw fifteen dollars around on the Three Card Poker table. In one hand I won $525!! That's right! For those of you who know what I mean, I played blind and got a straight flush!!! WooHoo! Now if that doesn't end the weekend right, I don't know what would!

Can you say Viva Las Vegas?

Friday, January 16, 2009

Vegas, Baby!

That's right! This weekend I will be spending in Las Vegas! Woohoo! Here's the thing though, going to Sin City is not what will make this weekend fun. It is who I am going with. I will be spending this weekend with my sister-Krista, friend-Lynsey, friend of the family-Caroline, my mom-Wendy and step-dad-Bill. These people are insanity at it's best. Just for proof, let me show you the e-mail they've been sending around the last few days in preparation.

Krista: Who's flying first class to Vegas?? THIS GAL! Also, I am bringing work out clothes in case I can tear myself away from the table for an hour each day. If anyone wants to join in. Lynsey/Jenn - I am bringing 1-2 go out dancing outfits as well.

Mom: HEY! Why don't Caroline and I get included in the "let's go out dancing" outfits??

Krista: It was implied. I knew you two would already be bringing the clubbin' clothes. With the other two you need to be specific.

Caroline: Good point! I have one of those Dancing with the Stars rumba outfits with feathers and glitter that I've been dying to wear. Just to clarify, however, I do not own a workout outfit - that would be ridiculous.

Lynsey: The only working out I plan on doing is hauling all my winnings to the bank. Why would I want to ruin a perfectly good vacation with EXERCISE!? Krista, you fool no one! Besides, these 1-2 nights of going out may produce enough dancing that you won't have to worry about working out. You know how you get! And for those of you who do not know how Krista gets... I'll bring pictures! But to paint a mental picture for you until then... 10 letters, 2 words... Sweaty Mess!! Love you Krista! I look forward to seeing everyone, especially you Caroline in what sounds like quite the subtle little number. I hope it's not too flashy for Vegas... GASP! haha.

Krista: That was hysterical... and a bit mean.

Bill: That's quite the painting, looking forward to the pictures.

Mom:My dancing outfit will consist of a 1980s mini-dress, fishnet stockings
and platform shoes ... what? They're back in style now!!

I will be bringing workout clothes, which I'll admit I look much better

Woohoooo! me

Caroline: 'm guessing Bill is pretty excited to hear about your dancing outfit, Wendy. I mean it involves fishnet stockings for heavens sake.

Personally, I'm ditching my feathers and glitter getup for that SweatyMess look. Sounds like it's got good times written all over it.

If I could offer up a vacation tip, I'd like to replace any and all activities or conversation even remotely related to exercise with shots. Jaeger bombs, Bailey's, lighter fluid - I'm not fussy.

Krista: I can't lie. I do like where Caroline's head is at...

Mom: Um - yes, Bill asked last night when he gets a preview. You might want to rethink that Sweaty Mess look ... I'm the queen of the Sweaty Mess look, and believe me ... it's not so pretty...

Krista: It's true, I've actually used it as a deterrent to keep boys from dancing with me. Unfortunately, it really works.

And that's just the tip of the iceberg folks. LOL! Can you say every moment filled with hilarious entertainment? I can! Yay! Vegas, baby, here I come! :D

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

I'm on TV?

Here is a picture of my two cute little boys. They are so funny it cracks me up. Here is a perfect example. The older one asked for a nerf ball gun for Christmas, the younger asked for a toy. Santa figured that a toy was a pretty generic request and hey, it's so nice when they aren't too picky.

When they both opened nerf ball guns on Christmas morning the younger one turned to me and said, I guess Santa forgot--I said a TOY! LOL! Apparently by toy he meant something other than a nerf ball gun. Luckily Santa got him a few other items in the toy catagory that qualified. :)

So last night I finally got my website up and running. Which has a sample chapter of Portals, my work in progress. Yay! I was so excited to show my boys this morning. My younger one looks at it for a minute and then turns to me and says, "MOM! You're on TV!"

After carefully explaining to him that it wasn't TV, it was the internet, he nodded and then said, "I see, so the intnet is your new show?" LOL I carefully explained again that it wasn't a show, but a website. At which point he was suddenly very interested in the buttons on the keyboard.

I proceeded to show him how when you click on blog on the website, it takes you to my blog. He studied it very carefully before exclaiming, "LOOK MOM! The Wall-E guy is on your intnet show!"

I said, "Yep, he sure is."

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Woe is me...

Anyone who plans an outdoor adventure has to admit there is always a chance for someone to get hurt. Snowmobiling is no exception. You must be aware of the terrain, the speed of the vehicle and the other snowmobiles around you. You must know how competent a driver you are and if you're prepared to take corners at relatively high speeds. If you're careful there is no reason you can't go on a snowmobiling trip and experience nothing but the thrill of the ride.

If only it were that simple. I went on just such a trip this weekend. I'm accident prone, to say the least, and so I was extremely cautious. We went on an open field that was completely flat. There were no unexpected rocks, cliffs or people who could cause things to go awry. I drove very slow and very safe and I had a great time.

Now I know you may be asking yourself. Why is there a picture of a Wall-E captain on this post? Well, let me answer your question. It is because at this time my left foot has swollen to the point that it reminds me very much of the people in that movie. Yes, I'm not proud of it, but I can admit it. I have one big, puffy Wall-E foot.

You might ask--Jenn, how did you end up with such a swollen, misshapen thing at the end of your leg after being so careful today? Very good question. Well my friends, I made the horrendous mistake of assuming that once I got off the snowmobile I was safe. My worries were over. Boy, was I wrong.

That's right. I have a badly twisted ankle, not from some daring snowmobile accident, but from walking across completely flat snow to my car.

Yep, that's how I roll.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

The Battle of the Sexes

Seriously, there is something so genetically incompatible between men and women. Something in most women's programming that makes them want things to look nice and something in men's that makes them not want to do the same thing twice... ever.

For example, making the bed. I think it looks nice. It makes me feel like I've officially started my day. When I make it, my hubby just shakes his head and smiles at me like I'm either insane or I have way too much time on my hands. Neither of which is true, let me assure you.

If I ask him to make it then he is confused. He looks at me as if I just asked him solve some advanced calculus in his head or something. He doesn't understand why we have to clean up something that 12 hours later we will just make into a mess again. To him, this is the never-ending cycle of madness--make the bed, mess it up, make the bed, mess it up--forever. To me, this is a peaceful room and I LOVE crawling into sheets on a bed that is made... I know it's silly but it just feels cleaner LOL!

I'm telling you, it's a darn good thing they have dimples, and are somewhat handy or the species would soon be extinct! :)

So... I say... to men! May they always have the patience to put up with us, and may we always enjoy their biceps--HUGS! I mean hugs! erm... the end.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Designing a website...

For those of you - like me - who have never designed a website before. The task seems daunting... and it is! Oh boy is it! But for me? Oh no, never. I decided I should crank it up a notch. You know, make it harder. I thought, why use one of those easy pre-made templates? Well, that wouldn't even take an entire day! That's too simple for me! I'll get some website programming software and make one from scratch!

Purchasing some software, I set to work. Now I have spent a day and a half getting the program loaded and watching tutorials on how to use the thing! I'm already in over my presumed day long goal and guess what?! I still can't figure out how to put in a cool background let alone anything as minor as... you know, text! LOL! Now I have to decide whether to keep plodding through and make a truly amazing website... or go back to the previously scratched plan A and use one of those easy templates. The truest sign of my insanity is that I'm really not sure which way to go! Do I know it is silly to keep doing it this way? Sure! Do I get migraines every time they mention HTML code and where to store my Cascading Style Sheets on the server? Absolutely! Will I keep doing it? -- I do believe I will.

Why? Why do I insist on this madness, you say? Well, I'll tell you! It's because if I finish a project in less than a week, then I feel like I missed something. I pace around the house for hours trying to figure out how I could have done it better - because obviously it isn't any good if I finished it that quickly. Eventually it takes me as long as doing it the other way would have in the first place. Then, can I move on. Yes, I admit it. I have a problem. Is there a support group for that? If not, I'm making one.

By the way, the pictures are ones I picked to go on my website--should it ever be finished. Do you like?

Sunday, January 4, 2009

A few things you should know about me...

1 - I think Friends is and will forever be the best show on TV. Don't argue with me because I WILL hurt you. Rachel is my favorite princess and I think Chandler is the funniest comedian of all time.

2 - I am a complete freak about the band Paramore. I don't think there is a song they have written that I don't love. They could sing the phone book to the tune of Mary Had a Little Lamb and I would think it was the best song ever. To be honest, it does sound somewhat disturbing when I put it down in writing... maybe I need therapy.

3 - Ever since January of 2008 I have been hearing voices in my head. I know what you are thinking, and I thought the same thing at first. Hello, wacko?! Until I figured out that apparently many authors go through this. I have been spending the last year putting their words down on paper only to finish and find out that I'm not even half way done with their story. They are pushy and hilarious and absolutely impossible to ignore--believe me I've tried. So now, in spite of my best efforts to make them shut up, I am happily accepting my fate and on the road to author-ville? author-dom? Whatever, LOL! Something like that.

Now you know a little about me. After reading about my obsessions and insanity... I have one question to ask you...

Wanna hang out? :)