Monday, August 17, 2009

In Case You Were Wondering...

(For the purposes of this post, please be aware, cellulose = insulation. NO, I didn't know that before this weekend. YES, I am going green, I don't care if you think it's trendy.Now, back to our program.)

In case you were wondering, I didn't fall off the face of the Earth, or go fishing. I am currently in my attic--buried in cellulose.

This is not my favorite place to be.

There is no cause for alarm. I have several reasons to be certain I will make it through this.

1 - Cellulose must be edible, because I haven't died yet.

2 - I was able to chew through a stray internet wire and by rigging it to the fillings in my teeth I am able to get rudimentary versions of my e-mails printed on my brain. Convenient? yes. Comfortable? no.

3 - My next door neighbor kindly plays music in his jeep loud enough that it rattles my windows and I can, as they say, "Get jiggy wid' it." (Don't knock it. Until you've seen a woman covered in cellulose dancing--you haven't lived.)

4 - One corner of my roof is leaking, by carefully placing my head against the wall--in between two rusty nails, of course--I am able to get a little water. It tastes like tar, but it's wet.

5 - I am confident this time alone will give me plenty of time to brainstorm and outline my next 12 novels. When I get out of here (after MANY showers) I'm going to burn that keyboard up!

6 - I'm reasonably sure that this will get me an agent. Why? Who doesn't want to represent a writer who is handy, charismatic (HEY! No laughing! I am totally enjoying my own company!) and could go on Survivor?

Until I make it out, feel free to comment.

Oh, and pray for rain.


  1. Cellulose. When I first saw this I read it as, "Cellulite = insulation" and I was thinking, "She has a point!"

    Glad to hear you're "Surviving" well!

  2. lol. We want photos of YOU covered in cellulose. Maybe it will be on your jacket cover ;)

  3. The cellulose looks nicer than the traditional, fiberglass insulation. Imagine being covered in that!! I'm itching just thinking about it. Your attic doesn't sound like such a bad place the way you describe it. :)

  4. LOL at number three!!!! I have that same kind neighbor *sigh* too kind.

  5. Wow, you really know how to party, Jenn.

  6. Best of luck! I hope you make it out alive!

  7. *LAUGHING!!*

    okay, you said no laughing, but I am anyway!

  8. We insulated our attic last summer, FUN!! Haha, not.

    But, I have an award with your name on it so that's motivation to stay alive and not choke on cellulose!

  9. When we insulated our basement and garage it was fibreglass it was itchy and horrible. This looks better, although I'm not sure about being locked away for days on end.