Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Las Vegas Learning

My vacation was a blast. I've never been to Vegas and not had a great time. :) not to mention interesting...very interesting.

A wise person once said (Yes, I am calling them this because I can't remember who said it. You want to make something of it?......I didn't think so), "The difference between fiction and reality is that fiction has to be believable."

That statement is the essence of tourists in Las Vegas. Here is a list of 5 things I learned about people/the way of things in Sin City. I'm going to preface this list by saying that you shouldn't write any of these people into your books because they just simply aren't believable enough.

1 - Austrailian male rugby players love the Bellagio fountains. How do I know this? Because they told me. Loudly. Multiple times. In fact, according to them, they had been standing in the same spot, watching the fountains for nearly 24 hours. Now, a person wise to the ways of good ole' LV knows that the fountains aren't on all day long. But let me ask you, if you were confronted with a large group of burly men, all wearing viking helmets and rugby uniforms...would you correct them? I think not.

2 - Most people think the many spectacles in Vegas are there to increase tourism. This isn't true. The blinding lights/signs/Eiffel Tower and Statue of Liberty replicas/etc. are there for a completely different reason. It's so the locals can wallpaper the ground with pictures of naked women and guarantee that children will never look down. Tricksy little hobbitses, aren't they?

3 - Normal rules of attire don't apply in Las Vegas. In one city block, I witnessed a woman in shorts and a bikini top, another woman in a tank top and bikini bottoms, a man in a bikini, a clown in a bikini and a monkey wearing a top hat--and a bikini. One thing is clear, sanity is not required to enter Las Vegas, but a bikini is.

4 - People are overly emotional in Las Vegas. In the couple of days I was staying in the city, I witnessed: eight people weeping in the street, six people arguing in the street, three people singing in the street, random people shouting out things like "Las Vegas, WooHoo!" in the street regularly (that may or may not have been me), as well as a pirate painted gold from head to toe arguing with his golden parrot.

5 - The rules of natural selection don't apply in Vegas. I figured this out because I witnessed drunk people do very stupid things - marry someone they can only refer to as 'that one guy', place bets on anything that moves, dance through a water fountain created by a broken fire hydrant, talk to horses, and try to convince a man dressed up like Captain Jack Sparrow that he was, in fact, Johnny Depp. All of these things were legal. The one thing people aren't allowed to do while drunk? Drive. Do you see where I'm going with this? Idiocy breeds in Las Vegas. It may be in the water. I'm not sure. But if I didn't find it so extremely entertaining, I might suggest we assign one lonely desert road for drunk drivers in go karts only... a few cacti up your tailpipe might help reinforce natural selection once again.


  1. I live in Las Vegas.

    It seems that you aren't describing the locals, but tourists, who think that everything goes here.

    Locals typically avoid the strip and only visit the strip when they have out of town guests.

    Locals, for the most part are regular people holding down regular jobs doing regular things. Children go to regular schools (that don't teach gambling). Locals live in regular dwellings like houses and apartments. Locals have museums, libraries, and other recreational activites that don't involve alcohol, smoking, or gaming.

    I do hope you enjoyed your visit, though.

  2. LOL! Of course it is about the tourists. I lived in LV for a couple years growing up and I know most of the locals avoid the strip like the plague. The only time I mentioned the locals in this post was when I mentioned the people that hand out the pictures of women on the street. Obviously, those people aren't tourists.

    Anyway, I would hope you can see this whole post was in jest and just for fun. :) and, yes, I did enjoy my trip... Very much so.

  3. Oh, that was a good laugh. I especially chuckled at the part about sanity not being required, but a bikini is. Glad you had a fun time.

  4. Love Vegas. Love seeing the place where all the crazies in the world decided to meet up. It makes me feel a little more normal. Not much though.

  5. I loved #1. Couldn't stop laughing.

    #3 turned me off the idea of going there.

  6. A hilarious, silly post, Jenn! But you broke the cardinal rule. What happens in Vegas...

    You naughty woman, you. ;)

  7. #3 was my favorite. I can't wait to see those clowns in thier bikini attire! Sweet! Sounds like fun Jenn! =)

  8. Wow, I think you've got a lot of new stuff to stick in a story. If I ever need ideas, maybe a trip to any big city would do it. :)

  9. I haven't been to LV since I was 16 and we only drove throuh early in the morning, when all the crazy tourists have fallen down somewhere. It must be a great place to people watch, but maybe without my children.

  10. I simply adore Las Vegas. We used to live in St. George, and would go there for a weekend trip. I love the outdoor swap meets, Hoover Dam, the petting zoos, all of it!!

    If you stay away from the strip, Las Vegas is the most amazing place ever. Glad you had a fun vacay! Wish I could have gone.

  11. I'm glad you enjoyed your trip.

    We get a lot of crazy stuff in Vegas.

    The people handing out *ahem* literature might be locals but they may not be living here legally.

    They're very annoying, aren't they? I have to warn my out of town guests not to take what they're handed or look down.

    In the summer you get people with coolers full of 12oz water bottles selling it for $2 to hot and thirsty tourists. They ambush you on the pedestrian bridges.

    Oh, and then there are the crazy religious folks with the 30' signs saying that you're damned and going to hell. They also hand out literature, and don't make eye contact because that's an invitation.

    Oh, and don't walk into the courthouse with anything male and breathing, or you'll be mobbed by wedding chapels wanting to get you hitched. (I am a paralegal and was headed into the courthouse with my boss who is older than my father by 10 years, and we were approached by no fewer than 6 different chapels. Even though we were dressed in suits and carrying files and were on the wrong side for the marriage bureau.)

    I've seen some pretty crazy stuff in Vegas.

    The mayor is another story for another time. But the people love him.

    I responded because #5 said the rules of natural selection don't apply in Vegas. I feel somewhat protective of my city and hate the image people have of what happens here. There's a whole different life that happens away from the strip and downtown.

  12. Sounds like a great place to relax and people watch. Glad you had a fun time, thanks for sharing.