Monday, February 14, 2011

Happy Valentine's Day a.k.a. I Get Accosted During Romantic Dinner


For Valentine's Day, I'd like to give you all a gift. The wonderful gift of a story.

I know you all love my stories because most of them end in embarrassment on my part and laughing on yours. This is my gift to you. It's okay, you can say it--

best. gift. ever.

So, this weekend, I was having a romantic Valentine's dinner with my husband at a local Italian restaurant. The food was delicious, the atmosphere romantic. It was perfect. My husband was telling me about some plans he had for us after dinner when an elderly Italian woman walked up and sat down in the booth beside me and started petting my hair.

My husband stopped mid-sentence and I tried to figure out what to do. How was I supposed to respond to this? I came up with something genius.

"Hi."

She smiled and continued playing my hair. "Hello."

My husband tried not to laugh and I tried not to kick him.

"You have the most beautiful hair I've ever seen in my life. Did you know you have the most beautiful hair I've ever seen?"

"Umm, thanks. I do now."

Then she stuck one wrinkled finger in my face and shook it. "You never cut this. Do you hear me? Never!"

"Oh." I hate making promises I know I won't keep.

Sensing my reluctance to make the promise, she aimed her finger at my hubby. "You! Never let her cut this. You say--yes."

My husband nodded. "Okay, yes." I glared at him.

The old woman was mollified and I thought she might leave, but instead, she turned on everyone around us. The people at other tables, and two waiters all had to answer whether they agreed that I had the most beautiful hair they'd ever seen.

Most of them nodded, a few decided to answer a suddenly urgent call of nature. I wished I could do the same, but she had me blocked in. I grabbed a breadstick and tried to sink down under the table but she kept pulling on my ringlets and giggling as they bounced back into place.

Finally, she stood and touched the receding hairline of our poor waiter. With a frown she shook her hair.

"No. Not as pretty. Not at all."

Then she walked away.

I've never seen my husband laugh so hard. Well, at least until I kicked him.

When I called my awesome friend Kasie yesterday and told her the story, she cracked up and then responded, "That is exactly the kind of old woman I want to be. Hold on, tell me again, I need to take notes."

I'm pretty sure she was serious.

How would you have responded? Hope you all have a Happy Valentine's Day!!!

9 comments:

  1. It's funny, my first thought was the same as your friend. I so totally plan to do that when I get to be a crazy old lady.

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  2. Oh my ... Some people have no boundaries?

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  3. That is hilarious. Old people can get away with anything.

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  4. You DO have the most beautiful hair! You also have the funniest stories! Happy V-day, friend.

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  5. See, I've always dreamed of having long curly red hair. Always. When I get old and I lose all my inhibitions about accosting strangers, I will totally do this very thing.

    Or if I get very tired. Same result. You're coming to LTUE, right? Keep me up late and we'll see....

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  6. Hilarious! I've had my version of the crazy old lady.

    People tend to be curious about my working dog and how it would apply to a deaf person. I had one woman approach me and ask a few questions. I didn't think much of it and thought I answered her questions to the best of my knowledge. Until...I said something to the effect that Pickles was my ears.

    Without warning the woman bent over picked up Pickles right ear and started talking. She took me literally. In this position it was hard to read her lips. My husband came up beside me and gave me one of 'those' looks. I just shrugged.

    A few minutes later, she reached up and patted me on the head, as if I were the dog and left. Paul told me her parting words to Pickles were, "Tell your mama, this is a strange way to talk to her."

    I still laugh about it to this day. (Hugs)Indigo

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  7. LOL The story is just as funny the second time. And yes, I was totally and completely serious. Watch out, people, because in about 40-50 years (maybe sooner) I am so going to be a crazy old lady. I'm looking forward to it.

    Can't wait to see you this week!!!! :) :)

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  8. That was seriously the funniest story ever! I would have died!! So funny. Thanks for sharing! :D

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