Friday, February 18, 2011

Writing Conference & Flashback PSA

Hello everyone, this week I'm at a writing conference! In order to prevent you dying of sheer jealousy, I felt I would do a flashback to a particularly painful post from the past--literally, painful.

Consider this a Public Service Announcement from me to you. It could very well save your life. Pay attention:

The Cardio Cinema may be hazardous to your health.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the Cardio Cinema, let me explain. It is a special movie theater in a gym. The lights are low, the movie is loud and intense--and you are on the exercise equipment of your choice.

If, like me, you are an unbelievable klutz...it can be a lethal combination.

Let me set a scene for you. Let me clarify that by doing so, I am in no way admitting to a similar situation in which I developed bruises all over my body.

I repeat, I admit nothing.

Let's say someone entered the Cardio Cinema, prepared for some jogging time on the treadmill. A dark, intense movie is in full swing--"Mission Impossible" perhaps, maybe near the end when they're on the train and it's very dark.

This person may find an empty treadmill and finally, through the aid of a cell phone light, find that stupid "Quick Start" button. Success! They are jogging, they are enjoying a good movie, they don't even have to think about the fact that they're exercising.

Quickly, they become so engrossed in the movie, there is no attention paid to the exercise equipment. The left foot may wander to the unmoving edge of the treadmill, where it is puzzled when it is no longer moving. The right foot meanwhile is still trying to keep the body upright so it moves twice as fast while screaming, "WHAT JUST HAPPENED?"

Even in this precarious state, the rebelling eyes are still desperately watching Tom Cruise to see if he gets decapitated by the helicopter blade--after all, he seems to be in more danger than some random person on a treadmill... right?

WRONG.

What happens then, you may ask. Well, I suppose they could fall on their stomachs and get flung off the back of the treadmill, just as the scene moves to a lighted interior train car. Yes, the timing is perfect for everyone behind them to gasp and stare.

Desperate to avoid someone calling 911, this person may jump to their feet as though this was a planned stunt to go along with the movie. A little wave of the hand will surely settle everyone down as they climb back on the treadmill and quietly whisper, "Ow, ow, ow, ow!" under their breath until everyone's eyes return the the movie screen.

Yes, it could happen.

So, let me caution you. If you are going to use a Cardio Cinema, choose a well lit movie and keep your eyes on your feet.

Thank you for your time.

10 comments:

  1. Yep, still dying of sheer jealousy!

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  2. LOL! That would so be me! I'm at a conference this weekend too so no jealousy here! Unless of course the weather is better at your conference... ;) San Fran weather leaves a lot to be desired!

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  3. I totally remember that story. It's just as funny as the first time.

    But it did nothing to relieve my jealousy of being at a conference.

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  4. hahaha

    have a great time at the conference!

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  5. I'm so jealous you are at a writing conference!!! Have fun and learn tons. New follower:)

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  6. I hope "this person" is all right. Funny story for the rest of us though.

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  7. *raises hand*

    *asks, "Can you take me to the conference with you?"*

    Fun post!

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  8. Ouch! That so could happen to me. My dad used to tell me I was an accident waiting to happen.

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