Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Yeah, I'm That Girl

I have a secret. It's something I try to hide as much as I can. I never talk about it here, or anywhere in public. Only my closest friends and family are in on it.

Here it is: as an author, I can be very insecure.

And I highly doubt I'm the only one.

I work extremely hard at my craft. I strive to improve with each book and I spend as much time reading and learning from other authors as I can. I've spent up to 18 hours in one day working on revisions or edits. I'm lucky enough to have amazing critique partners and I do not take them for granted. Any feedback I get from them I take seriously. But I don't give my book to them until I've made it as good as I possibly can without help. By the time I'm ready for beta readers, my book has already been through several rounds of revisions and more hours of work than I can count. By that time, I'm more than invested, I'm in love.

When I send my book off to my beta readers, it's like introducing my loved ones to my fiancé. Do I realize that he might have a few flaws? Of course. Do I want more than anything in the world for them to love him anyway? Absolutely.

I bite my fingernails to tiny stubs, dive into reading two books a day to distract myself. I go on long drives (but not out of service for my smart phone, of course...that would be insane), start drafting new projects, put together outlines for the next three books down the line...anything to keep my mind off of what is happening.

I become a puddle of insecure writer goo. Yeah, I'm that girl. The one that twiddles her thumbs in the corner and watches her e-mail and phone with sad puppy dog eyes hoping for good news.

It isn't easy. It's actually quite miserable and nerve-wracking. But I wouldn't have it any other way, because that would mean I don't care as much as I should.

How much do you care? Do you become a puddle of goo?

And if you missed my Too Many Books Giveaway, don't forget to go enter! :)

20 comments:

  1. I am SO this girl, too! But all I've ever heard is how amazing your books are, so I'm sure once you get those emails back, you are relieved by how much everyone loves your fiance. I mean book. ;)

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    1. Aww, thanks. :) It hasn't always been pretty, but as my books get better, people seem to like my "fiance" more. ;-)

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  2. Yes yes yes to all of the above. I have a feeling we are the majority when it comes to writers.

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    1. I hoped so, but we don't always talk about. It's glad to hear this affirmation.

      My name is Jenn, I'm insecure, and I think that's okay. ;-)

      Say it with me, "Hi Jenn."

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  3. I am DEFINITELY this girl! But like you say, it means you care, so it's a good thing to feel this way (even if it doesn't really feel like it at the time).

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    1. Haha, it really doesn't. I don't sit here in my gooey-puddleness and say, "Yay! This is splendid."

      No. No, I do not.

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  4. Totally a puddle of GOO! Insecure writers unite!
    *pumps fist in air*

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    1. Hooray for support groups! :) *fist pound* *beats chest* *Ow!*

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  5. I'm also this girl,Jenn. But I actually can't do any revisions right after I write a WIP/novel... I can't see them right away. So I send it off to my betas/CPs right away. But great post!

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    1. Sometimes I have to take a break before I can see it also. :)

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  6. There is definitely a ton of insecurity associated with being a writer, and I don't think it ever goes away. I'll bet even JK Rowling still worries . . .

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    1. Then we're in good company. ;-) Thanks for the comment!

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  7. *raises hand* Totally me. I'm a very insecure...well, everything! But as for you, though you may feel insecure, your writing is anything but. It's phenomenal. And therefore, so are you. :)

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    1. Aww, you're too nice to me, Laura. ;-) Right back at you. :)

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  8. I just went through this when you had my book ... lol. But it has all ended up wonderfully. You gave me such great feedback. No need to be insecure! Not that it will stop me from going through it again when I send it out again ...

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    1. Haha, I'm so glad to hear that. :) As nonsensical as it might be, we'll just keep doing it.

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  9. I definitely have my moments of insecurity, but I pass along my first draft as I write, chapter by chapter, to my critique partner. I find this helps me be more realistic about where I see the story going since she calls me on all my crap and helps me correct early mistakes etc. So by the time I'm ready for a round of revisions, it's relatively clean. I'm more confident when it gets to betas this way too, although nothing can stop me from being anxious about what they'll think/how much they'll find for me to change....

    I'm sure you're writing is fantastic! :)

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    1. Ooh, I can't edit during a first draft. It steals all my momentum. I envy your ability to do both. Thanks for the faith though! :)

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  10. um.. *your not you're. That's what I get for commenting at 11pm. Should have sent it off to my critique partner before posting! ;)

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  11. amazing girl!

    likely, the reader can better know what shortage of books than the author. We need criticism, to be more productive.

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