Friday, May 31, 2013

Forging Fridays - Knowing Your Audience

*****First - some cool things!*****

~ On Monday, I'll announce the winner of the NookHD! I'll also be able to share some epically exciting news I've been sitting on for a bit. AND I'll be starting the Insomnia Release Blog Tour in which we'll be giving away 10 Signed Copies of Insomnia and 10 10-pg Critiques! :) Make sure you stop by! ~

*****Back to your regularly scheduled post*****

Today is our nineteenth (and final...for now at least) Forging Fridays query! Wow...that's just awesomely crazy. Can't believe how fast this year has flown by. Thank you so much to all the volunteers! You guys are amazing and I've gotten emails/tweets/comments every week saying how much this series is helping people.

So you volunteers rock. We love you. :)

As stated before, I will not be revealing any names of the Forging Fridays volunteers unless otherwise requested. If you feel like unmasking yourselves in the comments, be my guest, but I won't mention anyone by name. Without further ado:

Here is our last volunteer! *applause* *cheers* *confetti*


Dear [awesome agent]

Milo is a weapon.

His brain is crammed with blood-smeared visions of Jxxx, a jungle world where nightmares are reality and survival is a game of chance How so? This is pretty vague. We want specifics about the world at this point. On top of his visions of the past and future The past and future of our world? of Jxxx? Is this a new ability or clarification of the same one? Make sure the info you give us is clear., Milo has the sole ability to read the coded Jxxx book, filled with answers to world domination Our world or Jxxx?, why the mud has a heartbeat, and how to murder the invincible natives.

And the kid is only eight years old. No pressure. Interesting...this seems dark for middle grade...or at 8 it would be...a chapter book? 

Forced to translate the code, Milo figures out he’s one of the natives and he’s set their execution date. If he set it, why does he not know this already? Any hints as to why he has been selected for all these special powers? A collision with native teen assassin, Mikael, ends in a shaky alliance and an agreement to guide Milo to the elusive natives to warn them of the oncoming massacre. But the visions turn up a notch as Milo realizes a violent power plays with his mind. Forget being a weapon, he’s a puppet. Okay, now these twists are becoming overwhelming. I'd focus on the main bad guy, if it's the puppeteer then I'd streamline the rest of it into something that flows to the main point better. Maybe like, "After discovering in the code that the natives are scheduled for execution, Milo strikes a shaky alliance with one of their own, Mikael, to warn them. Harder than it seems when the natives want to kill him and Mikael is a trained assassin. On the way, the visions turn up a notch...etc. Obviously, add voice and make it your own, but just try to streamline to get to the point a bit smoother.

As their journey turns into a bloodbath, Milo sees there’s no “good side” in this racial war – and the monster inside him is about to explode. What kind of monster? What races? Did you mention races before? This tidbit should probably be left out. You need to tell us more details about this monster if you want him to be the big threat at the end? We need to understand a bit more what he's up against.

BLOOD is an 85,000 word high fantasy novel for young adults, with potential for a series. I believe it will appeal to readers who enjoy dark fantasy adventure like FINNIKIN OF THE ROCK in the style of THE BOY IN THE STRIPED PYJAMAS. 

Thank you for your time and consideration!

Okay...I'm very concerned about your genre choice and the age of your protagonist here. People especially older teens and adults, are very sensitive to children in violent and horrific circumstances. Also, in a YA, your protagonist is "usually" a teen. I know it's not always true, but it usually is. Could you make Milo older? If you want him to be the same age, you may have to play down the violence and darker issues in this book a bit. Another way to go is: Is Mikael a teen? Should he be the protagonist as protector of Milo? This sounds like a cool idea, and I'm all about the dark and creepy, but you have to make sure your target audience will be able to relate to the book and that the book has a place it will fit in the market. :)

Good luck!


Okay, that's it for today and this query. Thank you so much for volunteering, oh mystery writer! :) I really hope this helped you. It takes guts to send in a query, to me or an agent. Go you! You have awesome guts! :)

So, what do you guys think? Agree or disagree with my assessments? Discuss! May we all be tougher and stronger thanks to our days in the fire.


  1. Aww. The end of forging Friday's for a while. :( It's been fun seeing your face and Insomnia all around the interwebs. I can't believe how close it is to release!