Forging Fridays - Knowing Your Audience

*****First - some cool things!*****

~ On Monday, I'll announce the winner of the NookHD! I'll also be able to share some epically exciting news I've been sitting on for a bit. AND I'll be starting the Insomnia Release Blog Tour in which we'll be giving away 10 Signed Copies of Insomnia and 10 10-pg Critiques! :) Make sure you stop by! ~

*****Back to your regularly scheduled post*****

Today is our nineteenth (and final...for now at least) Forging Fridays query! Wow...that's just awesomely crazy. Can't believe how fast this year has flown by. Thank you so much to all the volunteers! You guys are amazing and I've gotten emails/tweets/comments every week saying how much this series is helping people.

So you volunteers rock. We love you. :)

As stated before, I will not be revealing any names of the Forging Fridays volunteers unless otherwise requested. If you feel like unmasking yourselves in the comments, be my guest, but I won't mention anyone by name. Without further ado:

Here is our last volunteer! *applause* *cheers* *confetti*

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Dear [awesome agent]

Milo is a weapon.

His brain is crammed with blood-smeared visions of Jxxx, a jungle world where nightmares are reality and survival is a game of chance How so? This is pretty vague. We want specifics about the world at this point. On top of his visions of the past and future The past and future of our world? of Jxxx? Is this a new ability or clarification of the same one? Make sure the info you give us is clear., Milo has the sole ability to read the coded Jxxx book, filled with answers to world domination Our world or Jxxx?, why the mud has a heartbeat, and how to murder the invincible natives.

And the kid is only eight years old. No pressure. Interesting...this seems dark for middle grade...or at 8 it would be...a chapter book? 

Forced to translate the code, Milo figures out he’s one of the natives and he’s set their execution date. If he set it, why does he not know this already? Any hints as to why he has been selected for all these special powers? A collision with native teen assassin, Mikael, ends in a shaky alliance and an agreement to guide Milo to the elusive natives to warn them of the oncoming massacre. But the visions turn up a notch as Milo realizes a violent power plays with his mind. Forget being a weapon, he’s a puppet. Okay, now these twists are becoming overwhelming. I'd focus on the main bad guy, if it's the puppeteer then I'd streamline the rest of it into something that flows to the main point better. Maybe like, "After discovering in the code that the natives are scheduled for execution, Milo strikes a shaky alliance with one of their own, Mikael, to warn them. Harder than it seems when the natives want to kill him and Mikael is a trained assassin. On the way, the visions turn up a notch...etc. Obviously, add voice and make it your own, but just try to streamline to get to the point a bit smoother.

As their journey turns into a bloodbath, Milo sees there’s no “good side” in this racial war – and the monster inside him is about to explode. What kind of monster? What races? Did you mention races before? This tidbit should probably be left out. You need to tell us more details about this monster if you want him to be the big threat at the end? We need to understand a bit more what he's up against.

BLOOD is an 85,000 word high fantasy novel for young adults, with potential for a series. I believe it will appeal to readers who enjoy dark fantasy adventure like FINNIKIN OF THE ROCK in the style of THE BOY IN THE STRIPED PYJAMAS. 

Thank you for your time and consideration!

Okay...I'm very concerned about your genre choice and the age of your protagonist here. People especially older teens and adults, are very sensitive to children in violent and horrific circumstances. Also, in a YA, your protagonist is "usually" a teen. I know it's not always true, but it usually is. Could you make Milo older? If you want him to be the same age, you may have to play down the violence and darker issues in this book a bit. Another way to go is: Is Mikael a teen? Should he be the protagonist as protector of Milo? This sounds like a cool idea, and I'm all about the dark and creepy, but you have to make sure your target audience will be able to relate to the book and that the book has a place it will fit in the market. :)

Good luck!

~~~~~

Okay, that's it for today and this query. Thank you so much for volunteering, oh mystery writer! :) I really hope this helped you. It takes guts to send in a query, to me or an agent. Go you! You have awesome guts! :)

So, what do you guys think? Agree or disagree with my assessments? Discuss! May we all be tougher and stronger thanks to our days in the fire.

Kidlit Authors for Oklahoma Disaster Relief

We over at The Lucky 13's blog wanted to do something to help with the relief efforts for those who are suffering after the Oklahoma tornado. Everyone chipped in and we have six massive prize bundles we've put together to help out.

You get one entry for each $10 donation to the Red Cross.

Here is a picture of the prize pack featuring a signed copy of Insomnia. And there are SO many more prizes available (50+ signed books & critiques from some of our fantastic authors!).

You can find more information and enter to win over on The Lucky 13's blog.

Because helping out...it's so very awesome.

Less Than Two Weeks To Release and Giveaways

Guys...it is less than two weeks until my official release...

LESS THAN TWO FREAKING WEEKS!!

Yep...that's how I feel, too.

My hair actually looks a lot like that these days, too...

As I'm also currently drafting like the wind...or at the very least like a soft breeze...I also often look like this:

So yeah...madness and writing and excitement and more of all of the above.

What about you? What have you been up to? :)

Don't forget! 

This is the last week to enter the Goodreads Giveaway of 10 signed copies of Insomnia!

AND the last week to enter to win a NookHD!

Forging Fridays - Which Secrets are Good Ones

Today is our eighteenth Forging Fridays Query! Wow...eighteen, this year is flying by. Yay! We love volunteers! As stated before, I won't be revealing the identities of the volunteers for Forging Fridays unless otherwise requested. If you feel like unmasking yourselves in the comments, be my guest. But, I won't mention anyone by name.

Here is our next volunteer! *applause* *cheers* *confetti*

~~~~

Avia's twelfth birthday promises to be a bleak one when she wakes up, yet again, without wings.This first line is very cute and pulls us right into the world, the character and her problem. Good job! Years have passed since every other fairy her age has been expertly flitting around the forest on beautiful wings while she looks up from below. With a supportive family backing her up, she finds ways to get around her world and explore unconventional talents this happens very early on in the book from what I'm seeing here, there's no need to keep this a secret from an agent/editor. In spite of the career-bully Veek and his posse, Avia is beginning to thrive and find her place in the world. Everything after the first line loses a touch of voice. It's still good, but maybe find a way to make it sound a tad bit more engrossing on the voice side of things.

When her best friend Ro goes missing, she uncovers a plot to enslave the fairies a plot by...? and she must figure out a way to save him. For the first time in her life, the way she does things is the best way. Is flying suddenly dangerous? No need to be vague here, let us know why. She ends up in a dark mountain with all kinds of nefarious creatures this is a fun world-building aspect, give us a couple of examples of the types of creatures to pull us in further and she's able to defy detection because they have underestimated her unique abilities. Not only is she able to resuce (rescue) Ro and the other fairies trapped inside the mountain, but she also defeats the evil queen and her nephew Veek when the queen loses her own wings and is forced into a fair fight. This should be the end (I'll explain why below) and so needs to pack much more of a punch. We also don't need to know here that she does these things. THIS is the only time I'd recommend keeping a secret or not being specific in a query. You want to tell the main conflict, her goal, what she has to do to accomplish it and what's at stake (what she'll lose if she fails). I would not recommend revealing that she wins or how she does it though. This is the one aspect that really should be kept a secret.

Avia thrives and comes up with creative ways to move around in a world that was not built for her. She is strong and determined even when the odds are most decidedly against her. Every kid needs a friend like Ro that accepts you for who you are. Different does not mean broken. No matter what your difference is, you can be the best You there is! This last section really makes the story sound like an after-school special. You don't need this. Instead of telling us these things about the story, find small creative ways to show us this in the body of the query. 

For example: in the last paragraph when you mention that Ro has gone missing, that sentence could easily be rephrased to carry this impactful information about the kind of friend he is.

"Avia's best friend, Ro, is the opposite of Veek in every way. He *fun character trait 1*, *fun character trait 2*, and he never makes Avia feel like there is anything wrong with her or her missing wings. So when Avia discovers that Ro's gone missing, she..." and continue on from there. This is, of course, just an example (and not a very good one, really) so make it your own, but you get the idea.

This is a cool query with a good voice. Just need to hone in on where to add in/take out a couple of tidbits and you'll be good to go. :) You also obviously need an intro paragraph/info/personalization/etc, but I'm guessing you know this already and just stuck with the body of the query. 

Good luck!

~~~~

Okay, that's it for today and this query. Thank you so much for volunteering, oh mystery writer! :) I really hope this helped you. It takes guts to send in a query, to me or an agent. Go you! You have awesome guts! :)

So, what do you guys think? Agree or disagree with my assessments? Discuss! May we all be tougher and stronger thanks to our days in the fire.

Happy Book Birthday to Natalie Whipple & Transparent!

I am SO happy today to celebrate the release of an amazing book by my dear friend, Natalie Whipple!

Happy Book Birthday, Transparent!

*pets* *Stares at the pretty*

The cover is incredible. Possibly one of my favorites of the entire year...but it's so much more than the cover. This book guys...this book is awesome. I love the characters. Fiona is damaged, vulnerable and so tough. I love that kind of combination. The story is filled with bad guys, good guys, and hot guys (Ooh la la) The writing is excellent and the plot line is SO good. She takes the typical idea of invisibility and spins it like a top until you can't see it the same way ever again.

Here is the blurb from Transparent's page on Goodreads:

Plenty of teenagers feel invisible. Fiona McClean actually is.

An invisible girl is a priceless weapon. Fiona’s own father has been forcing her to do his dirty work for years—everything from spying on people to stealing cars to breaking into bank vaults.

After sixteen years, Fiona’s had enough. She and her mother flee to a small town, and for the first time in her life, Fiona feels like a normal life is within reach. But Fiona’s father isn’t giving up that easily.

Of course, he should know better than anyone: never underestimate an invisible girl.

My favorite description of this book though, is X-men meets The Godfather. I mean, seriously...how can you not want that? You really can't.

So, here you can order a shiny lovely copy for your very own!

And one more time...

Happy Book Birthday, Natalie! I'm thrilled for you! You and your book are going to knock people's socks off and leave them BEGGING for more!

~~~

Oh, and I'm over at Emma Pass's blog today discussing my favorite part about writing Insomnia! Come stop by and see & enter to win a NookHD!

So Many Happy Things!

This is me lately. All I want to do is grin and flail. All day all the time.

It's not very functional.

My book has started shipping from all over and people are getting it...

and posting pics of it...

and reading it...

And it just makes me so very...

You know what I'm sayin'? I think you do.

If not, I think we're in trouble because I'm just not capable of better communication at the moment. We can always just sit and smile at each other.

There are worse things to do. :)

But if you get tired of that...

Don't forget to enter to win a Nook HD! Or Enter to win one of TEN signed copies of Insomnia that we're giving away on Goodreads!

Goodreads Book Giveaway

Insomnia

by J.R. Johansson

Giveaway ends May 31, 2013.
See the giveaway details at Goodreads.

Enter to win

I'll just be sitting here...still smiling. :)

Forging Fridays - We're Getting Close

Today is our seventeenth Forging Fridays Query! Wow...sixteen, this year is flying by. Yay! We love volunteers! As stated before, I won't be revealing the identities of the volunteers for Forging Fridays unless otherwise requested. If you feel like unmasking yourselves in the comments, be my guest. But, I won't mention anyone by name.

Here is our next volunteer! *applause* *cheers* *confetti*

~~~~

Dear [Agent Name]:

PERMAFROST is a 75,000 word young adult fantasy. [Add in personalization to the agent.]

In the frozen tundra, Light and Dark each claim six months of every year and survival depends on the good graces of the twin goddesses.  Intriguing opening, but it isn't clear enough. Are the goddesses actually personified Light and Dark? Are there twin goddesses that give their grace to survival, but they're separate from these Light and Dark entities? Or is the 'goddesses' reference just some kind of metaphor for the light and dark?

Sixteen-year-old Aurora, a shaman-in-training with an eccentric passion for art, wants nothing more than to be useful to her village like her father, the head shaman.  Her last trial before completing her studies is to enter the malevolent Spirit Realm and greet the goddess of Dark at the annual coming-of-Dark celebration.  Any offense to the heartless goddess would cause six months of freezing and starvation. Great! This paragraph does a great job of telling us what she wants, what she has to do and what's at stake.

Aurora’s spirit guide should be waiting for her in the Spirit Realm, but when she arrives she is alone and unprotected; her great-grandmother’s spirit has gone missing.  Her disappearance could not have been voluntary as she is tied to Aurora, obligated to protect and guide her.  She’s been taken. 

Without her, Aurora cannot traverse the Spirit Realm or greet the goddess.  Many will perish due to Aurora’s failure How and why? This isn't clear.  Perhaps more frightening is her spirit guide’s disappearance. Not even her father can fathom what it may mean for the Spirit Realm or for theirs. This paragraph introduces a lot of information. I'd probably focus more on the central problem of the book. Is it that her great-grandmother's spirit is missing? Or is it about greeting the goddess. I see that they're tied together,but simplifying this is probably a good idea.

She is determined to rectify her offense, what offense? will there be no light because she didn't greet her? Or is there no light only if she offends Dark (as you mentioned). This should be clearer. find her great-grandmother’s spirit, and save them all.  Without a way to safely enter the Spirit Realm, Aurora leaves her beloved village with I'd rephrase this. The first couple of times I read it, it sounded like she was leaving the village in the trainees' care. Maybe just put in "and leads" right here  two fellow trainees on a suicide mission to cross the tundra.  They must find the only place where the spiritual and physical overlap – the feared frozen tomb of the goddess.

PERMAFROST will appeal to fans of fantasies based on cultures other than medieval Britain, such as Leigh Bardugo’s SHADOW AND BONE.  I am a member of SCBWI and an editorial intern for REDACTED.

Thank you for your time and consideration.  I look forward to hearing from you.

Strong finish. This is extremely well done. Just a bit of polish in a couple of places and you've got a great query here. Best of luck to you!

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Okay, that's it for today and this query. Thank you so much for volunteering, oh mystery writer! :) I really hope this helped you. It takes guts to send in a query, to me or an agent. Go you! You have awesome guts! :)

So, what do you guys think? Agree or disagree with my assessments? Discuss! May we all be tougher and stronger thanks to our days in the fire.